Who Wins, Who Loses. Who Cares!

by Mr. David R. Dorrycott

"SSSHHH.... ‘es commin out" whispered Reeble to his older sister. "Gonna boom ‘m taday."

Pika giggled, her thumb caressing a heavy red button connected to a rather large wire. Said wire vanished into the bushes behind her. "Boom..." she repeated, her red fur rising slowly in anticipation. In front of her their position a small burrow door began to open. She almost passed out in excited anticipation.

"Anybody outside?" Pharin asked, leaning against his brothers back as if he could see past him.

"Noppers" his older, and a bit slower brother reported. "Naddah thing. Com-on, hungry. Maybe we kan catch us ah rabbit ahgan." He pushed open the door, stepping outside. His twin (and a bit younger) brother was hard on his heels.

Their first indication something was amiss came when a heavy explosion occurred directly in front of them. At an old oak trees base several dozen ancient M-80 fireworks detonated nearly at the same instant. A mind numbing shock wave rolled over the two weasels, followed by two bright red forms trailing smoke. Screaming in pain Pika and Reeble were catapulted over their intended targets, through several yards of blackberry bushes to land in a muddy pond behind the weasel's home.

"Maybe squirrel?" Pharin suggested.

"Wha not" his brother Bob agreed. "Alread cooked." They turned towards a hidden path that snaked through the brambles when another sound caught their attention. Though barely scratched by Pika's badly placed explosives, the old oak still had several dead branches. Three of these had been shaken loose by the shock wave. They fell, bouncing off still living branches while tearing leaves and smaller sections from them. Bob looked up slowly, reached over and grabbed his brothers shoulder. "Run" he whispered.

It was too late, hundreds of shattered limbs fell, most tiny though some were more than capable of reducing either weasel to road kill. Thunder shook their small valley as both were covered in a blizzard of leaves, twigs and weasel splitting limbs.

In the muddy pond two huge lumps struggled to free themselves. Slipping every second step the two slowly made their way to the edge, dragging themselves across the embankment to lay on clean green grass, waiting patently for the sun to dry their muddy coating. "Reeble?" one green-brown lump asked.

"Yeah sis" answered the other.

"Next time. Ah set tha charges."

"‘kay sis."

"Reeble?"

"Yeah sis?"

"Ahm gonna kill yah."

"Okay sis."

“Gets rid of tha fleas tho.”

Unmoving the two lumps slowly dried, as they did flakes of hard mud slowly fell around them. Meanwhile, on the other side of that blackberry field was a large pile of rubbish. Other than an occasional gentle flicker of movement caused by an occasional breeze all was quiet. Then, slowly a paw extended from one area. "Bob?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Okay?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Fine. Say Bob. Can you ummm.. Move?"

"Noppers. Naddah inch."

A long sigh came from Pharin. "Me nedder."

"Wha now?"

Pharin tried to shrug, his actions only causing a slight ripple in their folage prison. "Wah fer a loose bever tah wander by."

"Yeah" Bob agreed. "Ah bever'd be nice righ now. Ah’d lik tah eat ah bever."

“Nah yah idjit. Dah bever taks dah lims, then we free.”

“Oh. Hey Pharin?”

“Yah?”

“Yah got any food?”

So it went, back and forth for several hours until finally the sky darkened. Flashes of light were followed by deep booming sounds. Beyond the ponds edge two small forms were just flaking off their last bit of dried mud as they walked. On the other side two figures slept, blissfully ignorant of the danger moving quickly towards them.

“Sis? Ah got ah idea” Reeble whispered as they neared their own home.

“Not more bombs” his half cooked sister asked as she dug for their key, safely hidden under the GO AWAY mat.

“Nope. See tha lightnin?”

Pika looked up and behind her. “Uh-huh. Dangerous.”

“Yep” her brother agreed excitedly. “Member tha long metal pole we found?”

“I’m not playing catch tha lightnin again” Pika snapped, remembering her brothers last ‘experiment.’

“No no. We stick tha pole inna weasel’s roof. When tha lightnin comes... ZAP!”

Pike thought it over, her key still in paw. It sounded okay, they didn’t have to be around when the storm arrived, if they hurried. Of course she had little knowledge of lightning other than it’d taken a week to comb her fur flat after the last time. “Kay, buh you carry it.” She started hiding her key again as her brother ran off. If the weasels weren’t so darned dangerous she’d ignore them, but they’d eaten her last two boyfriends. Not that one didn’t deserve it. Still...

About the same time a down burst struck the weasel’s position. It’s hundred plus mile per hour winds made short work of their prison. Its cold bite woke both at the same instant. Stomach’s rumbling, fur twisting in the wind both slowly dragged themselves free, ending up leaning against the same oak that had trapped them.

“Smell odd” Bob mentioned, yawning.

“Yah. Mus be what go boom” his brother agreed. “Les go farmer Tom’s, get somethin eat.”

“Chickin?”

“Works fer me.”

Together the two wandered off, ignoring the coming storm. It’s noise would cover their snatching a few chickens and getting wet never bothered weasel’s anyway. At least not these two.

Several minutes after their departure two red furred figures labored up the path. It took two to drag the twenty foot section of thin re-bar, it’s rusty surface stained both’s paws badly.

“Better work” Pika warned. “Oh I punch yah.”

“Yeah yeah” Reeble replied, stopping just long enough to make sure the weasel’s home was still shut tight and no one was around. “Kay, tha chimny. Let ‘er slid righ down be easy.”

Her grumbled complaint unheard in the rising wind Pika returned to their struggle.

True to Pharin’s planning Farmer Tom was shut up inside his farmhouse. Already thick fat drops of rain were striking the dusty ground. It’d been months since a good rain and this one promised to be a gully-washer. Both weasel’s commenced digging under the coop fence. Even Ruff, the farmers dog, was inside. If they were quiet enough no one would even know they had been there. Until it was too late of course.

Meanwhile two now filthy squirrels were finding planning had little to do with execution. With only a body length of iron shoved into the weasel’s chimney they found themselves unable to move it further.

“Mahbe if yah climbed up?” Pika suggested. Nodding in agreement Reeble hastened to the job, missing the gleam in his sisters eye. As he climbed Pika moved back several yards, eyeing the unsteady rod as it swung through the winds. It slipped a half body length further in, electing a cry of victory from her brother.

“Dat’s is sis. We...”

Anything else the young squirrel had to say will remain a mystery as his last words were converted to a scream of pure terror. Lightning was always searching for the easiest path to ground. Currently here, in this part of the forest, that path was the rod holding Reeble. Since he wasn’t directly in the bolts line of travel all that occurred was a firing of every muscle neuron in his body. Pika watched calmly as her brother flew above and past her, bounced off the same oak they’d used that morning, slammed into a young pine then slowly slid down its trunk. Padding over softly she reached out and touched her brother.

“Ow” he complained.

“Alive?”

“Yah.”

“Too bad.”

“Thanks tonns sis. Nah go way so ah can melt in peace.”

Pika shrugged, moving off towards their shared home. She could easily see the weasels home from their upper windows. Now that she knew lightning wasn’t going to hit their home any time soon she felt safe enough to be that high in this storm. As she moved away the iron rod shivered, slipped, then slid down until it hit the weasel’s stove. Two thirds it’s length still rose into the air.

Bob was ecstatic. He was walking home carrying two large hens by their necks. Meanwhile his brave and ferocious brother had stood up to Ruff and Farmer Tom alone, giving Bob plenty of time to select the fattest hens and head home. Reaching his door he kicked its frame, causing the heavy oak door to pop open. Bob had no idea how to use a key but he knew how to open his door. Humming softly to himself he whacked the hens heads together again, just to make certain they couldn’t get away. Setting them on the stove top he started hunting a large enough pot.

Behind him the door opened slowly, creaking now on damp hinges. Moving in slow motion Pharin staggered in. His fur was a mess, several patches were missing and as he walked tiny lead pellets dropped from his tail.

“You lef me.”

“Huh?” Bob asked, turning to his brother, a huge pot in one had.

“Ah said...” Pharin shrugged slightly, leaning against the door as it closed, then sliding down into a sitting position. “Yah lef me.”

“Buh you wer fighn. Ah don like fighn.”

Pharin looked up through one unblooded eye. “Bob..... I wish...”

Pika giggled softly as the weasel’s home suddenly lit from inside. Beams of daylight bright light speared through the rainstorm. Barely in time she covered her ears before lightning born thunder shook her home. For once one of her brothers crazy ideas had worked.

Reeble had just staggered to his feet when the lightning hit. Still dazed he barely noticed it. Moving homeward slowly he didn’t notice the dark form falling towards him from the darkness. Only when the coffee pot crashed onto his tail did he notice. With a howl of pain Reeble passed out again.

Inside the now charred weasel home Bob still stood. In his hand was the pot he had selected, it’s lid now welded to it’s body. Of Bob himself nothing moved, every hair on his body had instantly carbonized. Pharin still sat against their door, though nearly blind he was otherwise unhurt. To his nose came an unmistakable scent.

“Bob? Yah live?”

“Uh.... huh” came Bob’s reply, though much slower than normal.

“Tha chikin’s done. Wanna eat?”

“Yeah. Den Pharin?”

“What?”

“I wanna go tah bed. ‘Kay?”

“Kay.”